But You're Dead
by Bonzodog
Summary: A catastrophe strikes Sacred Heart, leaving the hospital closed and JD in a coma. And as if this wasn't enough on the shoulders of Dr Cox, his ex won't stop following him around. His dead ex. JDCox.


**Hola! This is happy angst, if possible. I know, I know. I should be updating Countdown. But I am writing at least four things at the moment. This one just grabbed me and made me do it. **

**Little AU bits:  
****JD lives alone  
****Dr Cox and Jordan have no kids  
****Kim doesn't exist**

**I'm alternating between calling him Dr Cox and Perry. He's Perry when he's weak, Dr Cox when he's stronger.  
****Flashbacks/thoughts are in italics and when Jordan speaks, it's in bold.  
****I think everyone's a little bit out of character. Sorry! Just imagine that everyone would be a little shook up after what happened.**

**Dear god, this has taken me AGES! It's taken up 29 pages on my Word, but I'm using quite big text. I started it on the 6****th**** May. It's now the 2****nd**** June. Anyways, I hope it's worth it.  
****Hope you enjoy,**

**Jess xxx**

This was not fair.

Why him?

First they go and give him the worst job on the planet. Next, he gets the worst wife on the planet. As he learns to tolerate both the job and the wife, they are both taken from him. Both, quite strangely, by a gun.

And if he's honest he quite wants the wife back.  
NOW.

(And he wouldn't mind his Newbie back either)

* * *

Perry sat on the sofa, sipping at his scotch. And talking to himself, as there was no longer anyone there to listen. Not that Jordan had. But it had been nice to pretend someone cared about what he had to say. He took another sip and hiccupped miserably.

"I wonder when Sacred Heart is reopening." He pondered aloud. "I mean, how long can it take to clear up a few corpses?" He sighed and flicked the TV on. He growled as he realised what was showing.

"In other news, the Sacred Heart hospital is still closed at this point in time, due to forensics teams still needing access to all evidence so the gunman may be found. Once again, if any of you know anything about this, please contact the police as the killer is still on the loose. A reconstruction is showing at nine tonight on this channel, and we beg anybody who was there to speak out. Now to Sally, for an update on the victims."

"The patients and staff took hostage have taken a turn for the worse. Louisa Tarten and Millie Brooks died today in the care of St Giles staff. The dead count now rises to nine, with those two joining the seven dead: patient Paul Hope, surgeon Todd Quinlan, patient Helen Potts, delivery man Lloyd Swawski, patient Joe Mitchells, board member Jordan Sullivan and patient Rhiannon Smithe. Lillie Hiberts is sitting up and talking, which is huge news for all of us who have been praying for the six year old. Her brother Elliot however, is possibly braindead, but more tests need to be run to conclude the diagnosis. One of the most critical victims of the Sacred Heart disaster is no worse, but no better. Staff say that he may not pull through. It's a sad day for the family of Dr J M Dorian….."

Perry snarled and threw his glass at the TV set. It shattered, sparks flying.

"He wasn't J M Dorian!" He roared. "He had a name! He HAS a name! He's JD!" He froze. "He's JD." He said quieter, sinking down to the floor. "JD…." He whimpered softly, beginning to rock backwards and forwards.

"**Quit your whining!"** a strong female voice snapped. Perry blinked. It couldn't be….

"**I would of thought you'd miss me more than DJ, but apparently not. Where's the 'Jordan, I love you' and 'Why didn't they take me instead'? At least look at me!" **Perry slowly turned around to find Jordan standing in front of him.

"Ju-Jordan?" he stammered, staggering to his feet.

"**The one and only. Why the shock? My hair's not that bad, is it?"**

"But…. But you're…."

"**Dead? Gosh, well done Per. And don't even bother trying to touch me, because you can't."** He tried to touch her shoulder, but there was just air.

"So you're a ghost?" he asked, trying to regain his dignity.

"**Obviously I'd rather have been an angel or a demon, but…. Yeh. And no, Todd, Keith and the patients aren't floating around like me. Lucky things."**

"Keith? He's alive."

"**Not for long,**" she snorted. Then paused. **"Shit! I have to stop telling people they're gonna die before it happens."**

"You can do that?" he said weakly. She softened a small amount.

"**Only to some people, that are minutes away. And no, Per. I don't see your puppy/trained monkey/protégé kicking it any time soon."** Perry let out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding.

"**So, do you think you'll go back to work tomorrow?"** Perry blinked.

"I can't Jordan. It's closed, remember?"

"**Yeh, the whole corpse clean up squad. I remember. But St Giles offered you a temporary place as a physician there, didn't they?"** He blinked again**. "Yeh, watching you're every move, that kind of crap. Reason it took me a week to pipe up was that I hadn't actually figured out I was dead yet. Which caused slight problems. Mainly me throwing things at the guy in Coffeebucks when he didn't serve me."**

"You throw things at him anyway." Perry pointed out.

"**I know. But this time he just thought random cupcakes were attacking him. Last thing I heard, he's still gibbering in the corner that the spider monkeys are coming for his eyes."** They both laughed slightly at that. Perry looked at her.

"I really missed you." He said softly.

"**I missed you too."** She said, before adding,** "I mean, I often said 'I wish there was an ignorant ego maniac here, just to make me feel that little bit better about myself. I need someone to look at so I can go 'at least I'm better than him'." **He grinned properly.

"Thanks, Jor."

* * *

"So you're interested in taking a job here?" A dark skinned man peered out from under his glasses. Perry nodded.

"Yes, sir."

"**Why the formalities?"** A brash voice asked. **"Per-per, just tell him to give you the job. If he doesn't, a kick in the balls can make a wonderful parting gift."** Perry winced.

'_He can't hear her, he can't hear her….'_ He repeated in his mind.

"And you don't feel the catastrophe of the Sacred Heart disaster will stop you from being a good doctor?" Perry swallowed hard.

"No, sir. I was at the sidelines, only showed up when it was all over. I'm strong, anyway. Nothing really gets to me."

"**Liar!"** Jordan called**. "Tell him that, that you lie. That you enjoy spending most evenings with blankets and scotch whenever someone dies. Whenever someone gets hurt at all, really. Just an excuse for the hard liquor to come out…."**

"Shut up!" he hissed. The chief of medicine looked strangely at him.

"I just asked how long you'd been in medicine for." He asked timidly.

"Oh. Sorry doctor-"

"Slight. Dr John Slight."

"Sorry. I should probably have remembered that." Perry said, embarrassed. The rest of the interview was much the same: boring questions with an irritating ghost. In the end, he was accepted, but only as a part time worker. He would work Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's. He would never be called in in emergencies, and no interns could page him. What one would have sounded like bliss now sounded like a prison sentence. He wasn't quite sure what he used to do during in his breaks, but he imagined it was much the same as now: drinking scotch, watching sports, and looking at pictures of JD. But he prefers the pictures before. The ones when the man isn't covered in blood and pipes.

"**You do lie though."**

"Shut up Jordan." He said tiredly. It was late. He wanted to go to bed.

"**I mean, you got really upset about those transplant patients a while back, didn't you?"**

"Shut up Jordan."  
**"And as for that 'on the sideline' crap? You know as well as I do that's a pile of shit. You were right in the middle…"**

"Shut up Jordan!" He yelled, jumping to his feet. "I don't need a dead bitch to tell me what I already know." He stormed off towards bed, leaving Jordan sitting on the couch, sighing slightly with disappointment. She had expected something to be thrown, at least!

* * *

Jordan was right, of course. He hadn't been on the sidelines like he claimed. Not at all. Deciding sleep was definitely not coming to him tonight, he lay back and remembered that awful event, just eight days ago…

"_Hi Dr Cox!" an irritating voice trilled. Dr Cox groaned._

"_Stephanie, you have ten seconds to leave before introduce you to the sharp end of a scalpel." JD shrugged._

"_Whatever." He wandered off, leaving Dr Cox to stare after him. Since when did JD not listen to his threats? He growled, and picked up a patients chart._

"_So, Mrs-" he looked down at her chart._

"_Brooks. But you can call me Millie." She said, grinning. She was in her twenties, and pregnant with her first child._

"_So you've been having morning sickness?" she nodded._

"_Really badly. I rarely leave the bathroom before midday."_

"_Okay then," he said, eyes flickering across her chart. "We'll just-" A scream pierced the air. He rolled his eyes._

"_Better go check that out." He said, jogging out the room. The scream came again. It was JD._

"_For god's sakes Clara! Can you not just-" Before he could crack a joke about Newbie not being able to cope with seeing a spider, or something along those lines, a shout came._

"_Shut your trap!" A man's voice slurred. Dr Cox turned the corner to find the owner of the voice. He was wearing a lumberjack style shirt, leather jacket and heavy boots. His hair was red and wavy and he was built like a brick shit house. He was waving a scalpel around. Dr Cox, in spite of himself, gulped. Elliot and Carla were crouching in the corner, arms wrapped round each other, bodies shaking._

"_Put it down." JD said shakily._

"_And why should I do that?" the man drawled teasingly._

"_Because….. because….."_

"_Yeh, that's what I thought." The man smirked. He kicked JD's legs out from under him, sending the doctor sprawling to the ground with an almighty crash as his head hit the floor. Okay, enough was enough. Dr Cox was behind the man. He crept up until he was right next to him, and tapped him on the shoulder. The man turned around and Dr Cox punched him in the face. The man staggered backwards, and Dr Cox winced slightly, shaking his wrist. That had bloody hurt. The man quickly stood back up again._

"_That wasn't very nice." He said, blood trickling down to his crocodile like smile. His teeth were yellow and uneven._

"_Damn straight it wasn't. Then again, neither is threatening people with a scalpel." Dr Cox said, looking him in the eyes. The other man grunted, and spat at the floor. _

"_Oh, real hygienic." Dr Cox turned around. "Shouldn't someone be turning up soon to arrest this guy? Where's the hook handed security guard?" He called. JD dragged himself to standing, rubbing his head. His face went pale._

"_What's wrong Pauline?" JD grabbed Dr Cox's sleeve and pulled. It caught him off guard, and he stumbled to the side. Before he could yell, the man brought a brick slamming down into the air where Dr Cox's head had been. The doctor caught on, and sent his fist into the back of the man's head, sending him flying into the wall._

_Shit._

_Had Newbie just saved his life?_

"_Uh, thanks." He grunted, embarrassed. JD smiled._

"_No problem." They turned, ready for the man to stand back up. Elliot tried to get towards them._

"_No chance in hell sunshine." The man warned. "You stay put." Elliot nodded weakly, and returned to Carla._

"_What did they do to you?" Dr Cox said, angry that the two normally confident women had been reduced to wrecks. "More importantly, what did you do to them?" Dr Cox noticed Elliot had a black eye and was covered in bruises. Carla's lip was split and her right cheek had a gash with blood running down it. A second, bloodied scalpel lay nearby. "On second thoughts, don't tell me. I got a pretty good idea."_

"_You gonna regret talking like that to me." The man leered._

"_Yes, it's very important to address the common hillbilly as 'Sir', or 'Madam'. Where have my manners gone? How do you do, Sir Jackass?" The man growled._

"_Don't do that, you sound like a dog." The man grunted._

"_Now you sound like a pig. What is this, charades?" Dr Cox taunted. The man's eyes widened and he fumbled inside his leather jacket. He smiled as he found what he was looking for, and pulled it out. A gun. _

"_No." Carla whispered. Then, louder. "No!" The man spun around._

"_I'd be careful darlin'." He teased. "This here is loaded." He sunk to beside her, wrapped a muscled arm around her neck. "It wouldn't take much to kill ya. Just one, quick squeeze of a trigger." His hand clamped against her mouth. "So what do you say to that? Eh, sweetheart?" Carla bit down, hard._

"_I say I'm not your sweetheart." She spat, blood on her teeth. His face twisted._

"_That's it. I've had enough from you ladies." He took a few steps back, and aimed his gun. "So stay real still and maybe you'll die faster." The women froze like deer in headlights. He pointed it towards them, and rested his finger on the trigger._

"_Ready….take aim….." Suddenly, JD dived in front of the pair and looked the man straight in the eyes._

"_Fire." He challenged._

_The man fired._

_The next hour or so, Dr Cox didn't remember as well. There were just snatches, moments frozen in his mind.  
Dr Cox wrestling with the man for the gun, being thrown to the floor. Giving up and crawling to JD, only to be kicked in the side of the head and told to stay put.  
Ignoring the man and pulling JD close as soon as he left. Unable to give the man the treatment he needed, he just had to settle for pressing his coat against the hole in JD's chest, trying to stem the bleeding and holding him as his body shuddered.  
JD screaming once, then his voice fading to nothing as his eyes rolled back and blood leaked from his mouth.  
Having to try and try to get JD to wake up again, resorting to CPR. For ten minutes he desperately massaged JD's chest and blew into his mouth, trying to block out the screams of staff and patients as the gunman ran through the halls.  
Carla and Elliot finally plucking up the courage to whisper down the phone to the police, get them to come to the hospital.  
Just as JD awoke, he was sent to join the band of hostages the man had got together in the next room. Perry was left on the floor, surrounded by blood, as the police tried to talk and hostages tried to fight and everyone tried, but no one really got anywhere._

Perry felt something hit his cheek, and realised it was a tear. He was crying, properly crying. He curled up on the bed, eyes glassing up. He felt a weight settle on the end of the bed.

"What the hell do you want?" he barked at Jordan. She smiled slightly.

"**Okay. Maybe this has something to do with the fact I'm dead. Or maybe I've been watching you cry for too many nights now. But…. You can't keep this to yourself."**

"And why not?"

"**You'll go mad. You're telling everyone you arrived at the last minute. You swore Carla and Stick to secrecy. But what are you going to do when the kid wakes up? You have to get another psychiatrist, or find someone to talk to, or something. You really do."**

"Yeh, and who do I talk to?" he said gruffly. "Carla and Elliot are in shock, Kelso's trying to sort everything out, and you're gone. Newbie's half dead, so Gandhi's permanently at his bedside. Where the hell does that leave me?"

"**The same place as you were before this all happened. A narcissistic, generally lonely man watching his life spiral away from him because he's too proud to run after it and get back in control."** She said bluntly.

"Thanks there, Jor." He said weakly.

"**Seriously. You need to stop bottling this stuff up because it is not going to work anymore. Okay?"**

"Okay." He agreed, mildly annoyed, but not crying anymore.

"**Good. Now shut up and go to sleep."**

The steady beep of the heart monitor was the only thing that broke the silence. The peaks and dips were steady, continuous. He was okay. For now at least. Perry leant back in his chair, hands behind his head as usual. He watched Newbie's chest rise and fall slightly as his body kept on going. Luckily, the St Giles staff had left him and the kid alone. That was the useful thing about working here. He came and checked on JD before his shifts. And, if he was honest, his breaks, lunchtime, after work and whenever he could. He practically lived in the young man's room. JD's eyes were shut tight. Perry closed his eyes as well, imagining the next time he opened them, JD would be sitting up in bed, alive and well. He opened them. Nothing. Perry tried not to cry. Damned emotions. Always making him worry when he needed to move on, away from the near-dead body in the bed….

"**He has a nice arse."**

"Jordan!" he scolded.

"**What? Just admiring what god gave him."**

"He's unconscious!"

"**Oh come on Per. You do the exact same thing day in, day out."**

"Maybe so. But not while he's in a coma. Bad Jordan. I thought you were letting me have some time alone with the kid?"

"**That would make me nice. Plus, it's only five minutes till your shift starts. So, chop chop!" **Perry stared. Had it really been an hour? Shit, it had. He ran out the room, casting one glance back at JD before going.

"Good morning," someone muttered, brushing past Perry.

"**Idiot!" **Jordan yelled.

"Nice to see you took our offer." A doctor smiled.

"**Jackass!" **Jordan screeched.

"Hello there." A tall blonde whispered.

"**Tramp!"** Jordan said delightedly.

"Why so happy?" Perry whispered after the woman had left.

"**I'm bored. I have found something to do. I am going to haunt her. Enjoy work!" **She trilled, floating off. Perry looked around, suddenly worried. He knew no one here. Even if no one else could see her, it was good to have Jordan with him. He took a deep breath, grabbed a chart from a passing nurse and wandered into the room.

"So. Mr Roberts. It says here you've been having trouble breathing recently?" The man nodded. "Okay, we'll get some tests done." He wandered out again, throwing the chart back to the nurse, who was dropped it and looked pissed off.

"Could you not throw that please?" she hissed.

"Could you not drop it please?" he answered back, grabbing the next chart as he walked past. The rest of the day was much the same, and by the end the nurse was in the canteen, staring into her twelfth cup of coffee. Perry waved a cheery goodbye as he left. Ahh, the joy of ruining the life of someone new. Taking the crap out of the same people got boring after a while.

"Ahh, there you are." The chief of medicine said warmly.

"Yes, Dr Slight?" Perry asked, annoyed his path to the door had been blocked.

"Could you do one last patient for me?"

"But I've done my bunch. I'm going to go home now." He said flatly.

"Just one more?" Perry scowled and snatched the chart, storming towards the room. A woman lay comatose in the bed. Her long fair hair fanned out at either side.

"What's up with you then?" he asked no one in particular.

"**Nothing much." **Jordan answered. Perry jumped.

"How's the haunting go?" he asked. Jordan smirked.

"**Oh, it's only just beginning. I moved some of her stuff around, hid her car keys, that kind of stuff. On Friday I'm going to start making things float in front of her. Fun fun fun!." **Perry shook his head, smiling.

"Jorderoo, I need you to bugger off so I can treat this girl. Okay?"

"**Na"** she said, sitting on the table and swinging her legs. **"I'd rather stay here." **He frowned but gave up, and turned to the girl. Before he could do anything, the blonde Jordan was terrorising waltzed in.

"Hello." She said. Jordan hissed.

"Sorry, I'm kind of busy."

"**Perry, tell her to get the hell out of here." **Jordan demanded**. "God, you've changed since I died. Where's the anger, where's the hate? Knock her out!"**

"Oh. I wanted you to come with me for a coffee." The blonde said. Perry half laughed at the sight of Jordan having a fit in the corner.

"Hold it a sec." He stuck his head round the door and grabbed a passing intern.

"You. You will treat this woman for me." The intern stood, hands on hips.

"And why should I do that?" he asked. Perry grinned. Ahh, he loved people that hadn't heard his rants yet.

"Because, Iris, I say so. And before you go into a I'm-not-called-Iris- thing, you might as well be a girl, you have that much hair gel on. No, no point in trying to hide the tube, I can see the pink logo. You smell like a goddamn grapefruit. Sooo, shut up and treat her or I will tell the entire hospital you steal your girlfriend's hair care products."

"I don't have a girlfriend," the intern said, instantly regretting it.

"All the luckier for the female species. Now treat her or Mr Scalpel is paying a short, sharp visit to the centre of your head. Now how about that?" The intern grabbed the chart and ran towards the room.

"**Yey, fear!"** Jordan cheered happily.

"Now shall we get coffee?" The blonde woman asked.

"Sure. Your name is…"

"I'm Ruth." She said, flashing her white teeth. "Here's my number. See you in town in ten minutes?" He nodded and Jordan cheered as Ruth left the room.

"**I think her teeth may have blinded me." **Jordan said.** "But who cares? An intern is scarred for life now. Just like old times."**

"Wish I hadn't called him Iris though." Perry said, so quietly he thought Jordan wouldn't be able to hear it. He thought wrong.

"**DJ's in a coma, he won't care." **She replied. "**Speaking of DJ, let's go see him instead of taking the tart out for tea."**

"Why?" Perry asked, amused. "I'm single, remember? Widower."

"**Widower? Yes. Single? My ass."**

"Oh shut up Jordan." He said tiredly. "We're going to go get coffee with Ruth."

"**You mean you're going to flirt with a hussy, before going to her place and coming back to yours at two in the morning, stinking of cheap perfume."**

"No. I'm only going to be there for ten minutes, Jor." He sighed. It was like dealing with a stubborn three year old.

"**That's ten minutes too long." **She sulked.

"Don't sulk Jordan. We're going and that's the end of it." Jordan smirked, before trying one last time.

"**Fine. I'm sure the kid will be so happy to know you wouldn't go visit him because you wanted to go on a date. I mean, if he wakes up today, he won't mind your not there because you're with a woman you only just met, after the love of your life died 9 days ago. He'll really respect you, won't he?" **Perry groaned.

"Pure. Evil." He said, pulling out his phone. "She's not there. I'll leave a message. Ruth, it's me, Perry. From the hospital? Just wanted to say, I can't make it today."

"**Tell her you have to go visit your twelve other wives."** Jordan prompted.

"Something came up." Perry said, ignoring Jordan. "Sorry." He hung up, shooting Jordan death looks.

"**What? It's not my fault you're so insecure that you won't leave the kid's bedside for hope that today might be the day he's woken up. Come on, let's go. If I don't that doctor bitch takes the last packet of crisps from the machine."**

"You can't eat." Perry said, looking up.

"**I know. But I like crunching them under my feet to worry the nurses."**

He sighed. "Sometimes I think you prefer being dead."

* * *

By some strange chance, when they got there, JD was….. well, still unconscious. Perry took his normal seat next to the bed, and Jordan sat on a chair on the other side of the room. Perry leant back in his seat and closed his eyes, waiting for another hour to pass. He felt himself drifting off, and decided to take a nap. He had, after all, just worked his first shift at a new hospital._ Besides, _he thought_, the St Giles chief of medicine isn't as stingy as Bobbo, so these chairs are soft and comfortable instead of bloody red plastic. How is Bobbo doing, anyway? I'd better check in on him, make sure Satan hasn't got him harvesting souls……_

Perry was awoken from his near sleep by Jordan shaking him.

"**Perry!"** She yelled. **"PERRY! Wake up!"**

"What the-" He slurred. "How come you can touch me, but I can't touch you?"

"**Perry, I don't know or care! LOOK!" **Perry forced his tired eyes open, then gasped. The body in bed was….. moving. First and arm, then a leg. Eventually a hand rose from the bedding, skin pale white. A head turned towards them, and two doe like eyes opened.

"Dr Cox?" JD asked.

"JD!" Perry yelled delightedly, running towards the bed. He stopped inches away. "I mean, Patricia. Nice to see your back from your dreams of ponies and sugar plums." JD grinned weakly.

"Good to see you too." He looked around. "Where am I?"

"St Giles hospital. You've been in a coma for nine days." JD's eyes widened.

"God! What happened after I got sh-sh-sh-"

"**Shot."** Jordan supplied helpfully. Perry glared.

"You mean, after what happened to you?" JD nodded gratefully. "Well, you passed out in a pile of blood and the guy stormed off. Then….." Perry's mind flickered through scenes of him crying over JD's body, screams and howls of patients as their diseases became the last thing they had to worry about, a hostage of 6 years old, tears running down her face as the man pressed a gun to her head. He really shouldn't be affected by this. Most of the patients had survived, Lillie Hiberts, the six year old, was awake and talking, as was JD. But he couldn't help it.

"Um, hello?" JD asked, staring worriedly at his spaced out mentor. Perry shook his head, clearing memories.

"Then some other stuff happened." He finished.

"Carla and Elliot?"

"They're okay. They called the police. If you hadn't taken the bullet for them, most of us would be gone. You saved everyone."

"Na. It was you that came in and punched him in the face."

"Yeh, just call me Rambo." Perry joked.

JD grinned, and it was about that point Perry realised the staff really should be alerted that he had woken up. But as soon as he told a doctor, he wished he hadn't, as he was soon shoved out and told visiting times were over. Grumbling, he clambered into the Porsche to go home.

"Put your seatbelt on." He commanded Jordan.

"**Why? I'm dead."**

"Yeh, well if we crash you can still hurtle through my windscreen and break it. Seatbelt on." Huffing, Jordan clicked the belt into place.

"You okay to go?" Perry asked as he turned the key.

"**Can I drive?" **Jordan piped up suddenly.

"Shall we try this again Jordan? You okay to go?"

"**I want to drive!"**

"You can't! Imagine the motorists faces if they saw a car driving across the road with no one steering."

"**Exactly! It would be great!" **

"NO."

"**You're no fun anymore."** She said, folding her arms.

"Probably not." He reversed out of the parking spot and began to drive. Jordan was silent for several minutes, before suddenly blurting out, **"We need to talk."**

"Jorderoo, you can't dump me when you're dead." He said, keeping his eyes on the road.

"**Shut up. I meant about JD."**

"Oh. Yeh." He said unenthusiastically. "I suppose we do."

"**So, you guys are in love, right?" **Perry spluttered.

"Wrong!"

"**But you're in love with him, yes?"**

"No!" He said aggressively.

"**I choose to take that as a yes. So it's simple what you have to do."**

"What?" Perry asked, knowing he was going to regret it.

"**Do what I used to do to pick up guys. Tell him you like his arse then threaten to crush him if he doesn't date you."**

"Cheers Jor." He said sarcastically.

"**You're welcome!" **She beamed. **"Seriously though. I don't know what's been holding you back from telling the kid how you feel, but trust me. He feels the same. Next time we visit, tell him."**

"Thanks." He said, this time meaning it.

"**Oh, and if you don't? I'll forge a note in your writing to Bob Kelso, asking him to elope with you to get married in the Bahamas." **Perry shuddered at the thought of Bob in shorts.

"Okay, I will." He agreed. "I'll tell him."

* * *

"Hey there Louisa." Perry said, pushing the door open. "You swapping secrets about hair care and boyfriends with the nurses yet?" JD rolled his eyes.

"Hello to you too." He huffed, pouting.

"Don't be a baby. I got you muffins." JD sat up. "You did?"

"Yeh! But I ate them." JD's face fell.

"Just joking, jackass. Here you are." Perry said, pushing a basket into JD's hands. JD ate them quickly.

"Woah. Slow down there, Sandra!"

"Sorry." JD grinned through a mouthful of muffin. "Hospital food is utter crap."

"That I can believe." Perry said, eyeing up the polystyrene tray in the corner, containing equally polystyrene looking pasta. "Hospital food is like airline and school food: it looks, tastes and smells like cardboard flavoured plastic."

"**KISS HIM!"**

"I know what you mean." JD said. "This one time-"

"**KISS HIM!"**

"Irene, I don't really care."

"**KISS HIM NOW!"**

"Be right back." Perry said through gritted teeth. He stalked outside the room, Jordan following.

"Jor, must you ruin my life at every single chance you get?" He hissed. Jordan thought for a minute.

"Yes. Yes I must." She said, heading back into the room, leaving Perry with nothing to do but follow her. Seething, he took his seat by JD's bed.

"What was that about?" JD asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, nothing." Perry lied, ignoring Jordan who was still yelling **"KISS HIM!" **whenever she got the chance.

"Right….." JD said, uncertain.

"Anyway," Perry said, eager to change the subject. "When do the doctor's say you can get out?"

"It's not as bad as it could have been." JD said, showing off his gun wound. "It hit my side, but missed any major organs or bones. I'll be out by the end of the week. How's Sacred Heart doing?"

"The body squad are still cleaning frantically. It'll do a nice change from Jumpsuit flicking a duster at the window every ten days. It probably won't re open for a while though, and a lot of staff won't come back."

"Makes sense." JD said. "I suppose I could always get a job at St Giles till then." Perry grimaced. "What?"

"Jesus, Sandra. I only just got away from you following me around whining, and now you're trying to take a job here, at my new hospital, so you can follow me around even more?"

"Yup." JD said, grinning. Perry sighed, and stood up, stretching his legs. He leant against the wall, sliding into the corner.

"**KISS HIM, KISS HIM, KISS HIM!" **Jordan had decided the silence was a perfect time to start chanting, bouncing up and down on the countertop she was sitting on. Luckily for Perry, Ruth chose that moment to walk in, blonde hair straightened to perfection, ruby red lips pouting. Jordan looked pained. Torment her ex husband or her favourite little slut? She eventually gave a great sigh, walked very slowly to the other side of the room, and threw a stapler at Ruth's head.

"OW!" Ruth yelled. "Who threw that?" Jordan darted to the other side of the room, and threw a fistful of pens. "OUCH! WHO IS DOING THAT!" Jordan went back to the side of JD's bed and began to pelt her with the remains of the muffins.

"YOU!" Ruth yelled, storming towards JD. "GET YOUR BRATTY ASS OVER HERE AND APOLOGISE. IF YOU DON'T, THEN I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUC-" Perry cleared his throat loudly. Ruth looked over, eyes wide and hair frizzing. "Oh. Hello, uh, Percival." She said, smoothing her hair down.

"Assaulting patients now are we Ruth?" He asked, tutting. "You should be ashamed." Perry retook his place on the end of JD's bed. Ruth stood awkwardly in the corner. "Why are you still here again?" H e asked her curiously. She spluttered something before running out the door.

"Um….. what was doing that?" JD asked nervously. Jordan grinned mischievously.

"Don't worry about it."

"Bu-"

"No really. Don't."

"**KISS HIM!" **Jordan screamed. He grimaced, and turned away from JD.

"If I do," He mouthed. "Will you shut up?"

"**Yup!"**

"Alright then." He said aloud. He turned back to JD, leant down and planted his lips against the kid's.

_Okay, _he thought. _Just hold it for 3 seconds and break off…_

Five minutes later, Jordan's expression had turned from happy to bored. They were still kissing.

"**Hey! Loverboy! Give it a rest, will ya?" **Jordan yelled. Perry ignored her, instead tightening his grip on JD's hair.

"**Perry, I don't want to have to do this…." **Still Perry ignored her. She gave a huff, and wandered away. Perry smiled slightly. Good riddance. He was still kissing JD and wondering how to hint that the kid had way too many clothes on, when suddenly he was hit by a sheet of water. He reluctantly let go of JD, spluttering. Jordan stood over them, holding a bucket under her left arm.

"Is that bucket floating in the air?" JD asked, dazed.

"Um…. No?" Perry said, glaring at Jordan.

"And why am I wet?"

"Probably plumbing problems." He lied, as Jordan popped the now empty bucket back in the corridor.

"But why-"

"HEY! Where'd all my water go?" An angry voice asked.

"Excuse us for one sec." Perry said, storming outside.

"Why did you say 'us'?" JD called, but Perry didn't hear him.

"You stole the janitor's water?" Perry asked Jordan incredulously.

"**Yeh."** Jordan said, sounding bored.

"And threw it over me."

"**Yeh."**

"And a recovering gunshot patient." Jordan snorted.

"**Yeh, because making out with him's gonna help him recover faster." **Jordan smirked as he turned an interesting shade of crimson.

"I- Uh- Um- Gotta go!" He said, sprinting for the car. Jordan followed angrily.

"**HEY! Get back in there!" **Perry jumped into the car and grabbed his key, cursing as it slipped through his fumbling fingers. He turned the key and was soon speeding away, leaving JD and Jordan behind.

"**That was bitchy."** A voice came from the back seat. Perry looked in his mirror. Jordan did not look impressed.

"What was?" He said, feigning ignorance.

"**You know fully well! Leaving JD to suffer there. Now the poor kid thinks his mentor kissed him, then he was drenched, and then a bucket floated and you ran away."**

"He'll think it was just the medication."

"**Yeh, but you'll know it wasn't."**

"So? Jor, I don't have a guilty conscience. I'm not gonna lie awake, worrying about what I've done, and wishing I could do it different. I'm not that kind of person."

"**Hmm…."** Jordan said, looking ready to kill.

"Don't look at me like that! It's not my fault I really don't want to explain floating inanimate objects today!"

"**Yes. Yes it is."**

"You're a child!"

"**No. No I'm not."**

"Jordan?"

"**Yes?"**

"Shut it."

And surprisingly, she did.

* * *

"So, why am I here again?" Perry asked, leaning against his car.

"**Simple. You kissed him, you ran away, it's been 13 days since he was shot so it's now Sunday. He's leaving today so it's your job to come make sure he's alright." **Jordan said.

"Can't Louise make her own way home?" He asked, weakly. He seemed to be doing a lot of things weakly since the shooting.

"**NO."** Jordan said firmly. Perry would have argued more, but the nurses wheeled JD out.

"I can walk from here." He assured them, climbing out. The nurses waved, and JD waved back. He was halfway across the car park when he saw Perry. He quickly ducked behind a parked Mercedes. Perry raised an eyebrow when it reversed, leaving JD looking very panicky.

"Give it up Lucinda, I saw you when you came out."

"Um, I wasn't hiding!" JD squeaked. Yes, squeaked. "I was…. Looking for a penny I dropped."

"Of course you were." Perry said, smiling in a way that meant _'I may be smiling, but argue with me and die. HORRIBLY'._ "And I'm actually a really big, nice, kind, pushover." JD mumbled some more, before finally giving up and starting to walk away.

"And just where do you think you're going, Joanna?" Perry asked.

"Um... home?" JD answered unsurely.

"By the mighty bus?"

"Yes."

"Wrongo. You're getting in the Porsche." JD's eyes widened.

"You're giving me a lift home?"

"Wrongo, again." JD looked confused. Perry sighed, exasperated. "You live on your own in a tiny apartment. You just recovered from a serious injury, and you need to be watched. You're staying with me." JD's eyes practically popped out of his head.

"Really?"

"Yup. Get in." he said, opening the door for JD, who smiled gratefully and clambered in.

Later that night, after JD had gone off to brush his teeth and change into his pyjamas, Jordan reappeared.

"And where were you?" Perry enquired.

"God, what are you? My father? Make that mother, actually. I wanted to go check up on stuff, that's all."

"Like..."

"If you must know, I was trying to find the gunman."

"Oh." That was all Perry could say.

"I didn't." Jordan sighed.

"Oh."

"Are you going to stand around like a goldfish all night?"

"Goldfish don't stand, Jorderoo."

"Shut up, Perry. You know fully well what I mean. What's happening with DJ?"

"Um... he sleeps here, I sleep on couch, he gets better and we go back to normal?"

"Perry! You kissed him. You can't do this to him." Perry sighed.

"What do you want me to do? Two weeks ago, a gunman ran through the hospital, shot my friend in front of me and I had to listen while he killed the others. You died and I'm expected to move on already?" Jordan sighed and sat down beside him on the bed.

"I won't be upset, or angry. Nobody will blame you for moving on, Perry. You deserve a bit of happiness for once. Go on." she said softly.

"Maybe I will." he agreed. At that moment, JD walked in.

"Who ya talking to?" he asked.

"Air."

"Right..." JD said uncertainly. "So, am I on the couch?"

"Nope."

"Oh. Are you on the couch?"

"Nope. I plan to sleep right here."

"So I sleep..."

"Right here."

"Okay..."

"Too many pauses there Shirley Anne. Shut up and get in." He stared at the side of the bed where Jordan had slept. Her stuff still littered the bedside table. He imagined her head on the pillow, hair fanning out. Suddenly, a different head hit the pillow, dark hair flopping across his face. Dr Cox smiled. That was just as good. He slung an arm around JD, and reached up. Just before he switched the light off, he looked to the end of the bed. Jordan sat there.

"Well done Per. Looks like my work is done here." He stared up.

"What did you do?" he mouthed. She just grinned.

"What I guess I was kept back to do." She waved. "Bye Per. You take good care of your boy toy or I'm coming back with a vengeance." With one last wave, she stepped into nothingness and then she was gone. Dr Cox smiled sadly.

"Peace at last." he said softly. For both him and Jordan.

"What are you talking about?" A voice piped up. Dr Cox sighed.

"Just as you get rid of one pain, another comes along."

"You wouldn't have it any other way." JD pointed out.

"True. Now shut up and go to sleep." He flicked the light switch, and lay back down. He stiffened suddenly.

"What's wrong now?" JD asked.

"Why the hell do you smell like coconut?"

"Shut up." JD scowled, thumping his arm. There was silence for a few minutes.

"Oh, and for the books, it's actually called Island Treasures."

"I wouldn't care if it was called Hint of Rat, you smell like a fruit stand."

"I do?" JD said, whimpering slightly. Dr Cox sighed again.

"I like fruit stands. Now let's get some sleep before we kill each other."

"Sounds good."

* * *

A few miles away, a young man stepped into view. He had light hair and blue scrubs. Keith brushed off imaginary dirt, sighing as his hands went straight through him. He half walked, half floated towards the house.

"Okay. Help this guy, and get to heaven." He repeated. "That's how Jordan said she did it." He paused for a moment. "Even if she didn't know the heaven bit at the time..." He floated into the man's room, and looked at the sleeping form.

"Wake up." he said softly. A light went on, and a balding head rose from the pillow.

"What's going on? Is that Kelso? Because I'm off work

at the moment, sir. But if you wanted me to try and sue someone, I can get my mom to do it for you. She's right here…"

"Oh dear god, no..." Keith moaned. It was gonna be a long night.


End file.
